Scanxiety

I have been a bad blogger lately. I have been a bit depressed and stressed out worrying about the scan that I had upcoming to check on the cancer. I learned there is a made-up term that lymphoma patients used for the anxiety that we have before scans to check on the progress or lack of progress of the lymphoma. They call it "scanxiety".
It has been 3 months since my last scan. I went yesterday for the scan and for about 2 weeks leading up to the scan I was (and still am) quite the stressed out mess. So yesterday, 2 hours before my scan time I needed to drink a bottle of barium. A note to anyone who has never had barium scans, if you ever do...make sure you chill the barium and drink it cold. When it is warm it is enough to make the strongest stomach turn. Chilled, it is managable for me.
My Oncologist is an hour drive from my house. When I left for Delaware yesterday morning it was very very foggy, drizzly and just dreary. Driving over the Delaware Memorial Bridge I could not see anything off the side of the bridge and maybe only 20 feet in front of me. I was extremely stressed about the scan and felt like I was driving to my death with all the mist around me. My overly dramatic mind takes me to these places once in a while.
I was almost in tears when the radio station I was listening to went completely static. So I hit the button to just go to the next station. What could possibly be the perfect song that I needed to hear at that time? "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor. It completely picked up my spirits. It is amazing how music can do that.
So tomorrow I will find out the results and hopefully I will have good news to report.
On a side note, thank you to all the people who have either emailed or called me asking if I was okay because I hadn't posted to the blog. It warmed my heart that so many people in the past few days have contacted me saying they missed me posting to the blog and were worried about me. I am going to try to keep to posting regularly again.
(((hugs to all)))